Chapter Ninety-One: The “Rice Field Frog” on the Dining Table

The court physician shook his head at the so-called master leaping about before him. He sighed. Strange things came every year, but this year in particular there seemed to be far too many. He had the distinct feeling he was about to be out of a job.

Though the empress was rather speechless at seeing such a master appear in the imperial palace, there was nothing to be done. One bizarre incident after another had occurred; they could hardly avoid summoning a master.

Still, when she glanced at the emperor beside her, happily gnawing on a pork knuckle, she could not help wondering: did he never grow tired of eating that every single day?

Then, turning her head, she saw the two little ones pressed against the table, swallowing hard in a frenzy, and the empress felt the corners of her mouth twitching endlessly.

The little blessed one and the little princess, one tall and one small, both lifted their tiny heads to stare at their beloved emperor, or father emperor, as he ate such fragrant pork knuckle in the midst of this solemn scene. Their envy was so great that saliva practically dripped from their mouths.

“You want some?”

Both little ones nodded madly.

“No.”

“..."

How infuriating.

At that moment, the so-called master was grandly performing his rites. These past two days his luck had been rather good, and the pouch at his waist was pleasantly full; to think he had been invited to the imperial palace today, he would make a real showing of it. With that thought, his energy surged, and he jumped even more vigorously.

Watching the master leap ever more frenetically, everyone thought: truly worthy of a master, even his exorcism carried such style.

Far beyond the crowd, a broad-faced palace maid revealed a ferocious expression. The damned Taoist was courting death. With a flick of her fingertip, she let out a cold laugh.

“What is that thing?”

“Toads?”

“So disgusting!”

While the master was performing, many giant toads suddenly appeared all around, hopping and springing into the crowd. The imperial concubines in the harem turned pale with fright; little eunuchs and maidservants panicked into utter chaos.

“Don’t panic! This is the monster’s sorcery. Watch this humble Taoist subdue it.”

Swift as lightning, he snatched up the peach-wood sword in his hand and began chanting. But halfway through the incantation, whoosh, he suddenly felt the sword grow heavy. Opening his eyes, he saw a giant toad, about the size of a fist, sprawled atop the blade, sticking out its tongue at him!

Hello!

They stared at each other. Then the master’s eyes rolled back, and he collapsed in a faint.

Everyone: What a fearsome demon!

Screams rang out one after another. The empress drew the little princess into her arms and was shielded by a ring of guards. With this thick swarm all around them—ugh, it was revolting.

Bai Yulan had already been sent back to the Han household by noon. At present, the little blessed one and Han Zixuan were both protected behind Old Lady Bai.

“My dear official, you are truly loyal, knowing to protect me!” At that moment, the emperor was crouched behind the court physician, still refusing to let go of the pork knuckle.

“My dear official, why are you not afraid?”

“The imperial medical bureau has plenty of toads. What is there to fear?”

The emperor: “...”

“Cough. Your Majesty may not know this, but the giant toad is also known as a toad and is a precious medicinal ingredient. Unfortunately, when this humble minister traveled the world years ago, I could only find small, common toads. To think I should see so many varieties I have never seen before here!” The court physician’s eyes shone as he stared at a giant toad bouncing merrily before him. He was so excited he could scarcely contain himself.

The emperor: “...”

After a long while—

“My dear official, what are you doing?”

“I intend to pack them up and bring them back to the imperial medical bureau!”

“Oh! Then I bestow them upon you!”

“Many thanks, Your Majesty!”

And so the great toad disaster was brought to an end by the industrious court physician. This enormous calamity was recorded by the historian, and from that day forward, the tale of the court physician defeating the toad army by his lone effort went down in history.

“Huh? Bullfrogs?” the little blessed one said, holding up a frog by its hind leg. There were not only toads here, but frogs as well.

The frog, dangling by one leg and kicking furiously, seemed to ask: ?

“Bullfrogs? What bullfrogs?” The guards were busy catching toads when the emperor sprang over and looked at the frog that had been seized by the little blessed one, kicking its legs wildly.

“This one! Little Wolf and Brother Haihai used to catch this every day in Linjia Village. It seemed to taste pretty good.”

The emperor looked at the mass of frogs on the ground, stroked his chin, and fell into thought without a word.

And so that night, the chubby cook uncle who had been making pork knuckles until he was ready to vomit was finally freed.

That evening, fragrant bullfrog was served on the emperor’s dining table— and it really was delicious.