Chapter 36: I Am the Most Dashing One in the Room!

No!
Why on earth did you interpret that as me wanting to high-five you?
You absolute lunatic!

Meanwhile, the situation on stage was shifting constantly. Lamu walked out holding a microphone, her lips moving rhythmically, yet not a single sound emerged. If Wang Sulong was only "half-lip-syncing," then Lamu was a total master of the silent act!

"Hahahaha!"
"You guys are too much! Are you really going this far?"
"Which senior artist are you paying tribute to? You guys are playing for keeps!"
"..."

Just as the crowd was roasting them, Li Xueqin walked to the front of the stage again. Her lips moved, yet once more, not a sound was produced. The guests in the audience were dumbfounded. They had initially thought it was a mistake, but it turned out they were satirizing those singers who rely on lip-syncing. That took real guts!

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!"
"Impressive! Absolutely impressive!"
Xu Xiu silently gave a thumbs-up. Incredible!

"Oh, for the final verse, everyone join us!" Wang Sulong shouted.
The guests danced along with his waving hands, just like at a star-studded concert.
"Accompanying you to watch the meteor shower, falling onto this earth—"
"Let your tears fall onto my shoulder—"
"I need you to believe my love, only willing to be brave for you—"
"You will see the place where happiness dwells..."
"..."

*Whoosh.*
A dark shadow flashed past Xu Xiu’s eyes.
Xu Xiu rubbed his eyes. What on earth was that?
It was actually Wang Chuanjun!
He had gotten completely caught up in the hype, rushing onto the stage and refusing to let go of Wang Sulong’s hand.
"Ahhh, Dao Ming Si! I love you!"
Wang Sulong’s eyes widened: "Hey! Security! Security! Can someone come maintain order? Our lives matter too!"

Seeing the scene descend into chaos, Xu Xiu had no choice but to go up and drag Wang Chuanjun back. To his surprise, Wang Chuanjun kept looking back longingly—he was truly having the time of his life!

Once the four of them finished singing, peace finally returned to the stage. Afterward, Song Dan led the group in a Northeast Yangge dance, the cheerful music igniting the entire audience once again!

Xu Xiu felt a flicker of panic. With the atmosphere already so heated, what would he do if he couldn't hold the stage? Worried, he went to change into his gear. This was the outfit he had tailor-made for "Little Apple," and he was ready to shine. He was determined to be the most dazzling guy of the night!

Xu Xiu walked onto the stage wearing a red "Shamate" (non-mainstream) wig, shirtless, and sporting a pair of poop-yellow baggy shorts. The guests and audience fell silent.

"Xu Xiu, I know you have a great physique, but this isn't the time to show it off! You're supposed to be dancing!"
"Damn it! Where did they drag me to? Is the dance supposed to be this risqué? Shouldn't this be censored?"
"Xu Xiu, remember, you were a trainee. You could have taken the idol route! There’s still time to turn back!"
"Slurp, slurp—those muscles—*ying ying ying*—I really want to lick them!"
"Ahhh! Husband! I declare you my new husband! You've really got the goods; you’ve made me all wet!"

The small stage was now packed with "hidden geniuses" (a term for oddballs). Even Wang Chuanjun, who had been so resolute before the show, had chosen to join in and was now at the back of the crowd. His tall, lanky frame swayed back and forth, making him incredibly conspicuous.

The area below the stage was empty, and just as Xu Xiu thought no one would mock him, the camera operator let out a sudden "Pfft!" Although he choked it back immediately, his twitching body betrayed his struggle to suppress the laughter.

*Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding~*
The upbeat intro kicked in, and everyone immediately struck a pose behind Xu Xiu. They bent their bodies slightly, one hand on their hip and the other pointing forward.

"I planted a seed, and finally, it bore fruit. Today is a great day—"
"Pluck a star to give to you, pluck the moon to give to you, let the sun rise for you every day."
"..."
"Life is short, but I will love you forever—never leaving, never abandoning!"

At this point, Xu Xiu performed a huge leap, then crouched down, his hands hooking backward as he retreated. Once at the back, he placed his hands on those yellow shorts, his body and hands swaying in time with the music, his facial expression becoming increasingly... seductive.

"You are my little, little apple—no matter how much I love you, it's never enough—"
"Your little red face warms my heart—igniting the fire of my life—fire, fire, fire, fire—"

Xu Xiu went completely crazy!
His body twisted in a sexy dance, and his hand movements became even more bizarre, constantly rubbing against his chest. It was even more seductive than the dances of female influencers.

But when a man does it, the psychological impact on the audience is maxed out!
My eyes! It burns! You are so brazen!

Xu Xiu didn't care. Who said boys can't be seductive? What’s wrong with us boys being a little charming? He had unleashed his true nature, but the people behind him were doubled over in laughter!

[Ding! Detected the host's abstract behavior gaining exposure. Singing +0.0069... Acting +0.0069... Cooking +0.0069... Physique +0.0069...]

"Hee hee hee—I can't take it, he's hilarious!" Meng Ziyi covered her mouth, unable to stop laughing.
Song Yanfei poked her: "Stop laughing for a second, wait until the dance is over, hold it in!"
"Ah—hahahahaha!" Wang Chuanjun’s laughter was particularly attention-grabbing; his voice nearly drowned out the music.

"You are my little, little apple—no matter how much I love you, it's never enough—"
"..."

The second verse started.
Xu Xiu clutched his baggy shorts and began to crawl forward on the spot. His body humped up and down; those who didn't know better would think he was trying to... violate the air.

[Ding!...]
[Ding!...]
[Ding!...]
[...]

By the end of the song, Xu Xiu had harvested dozens of waves of exposure. The audience was once again shocked by his lower limit—it truly didn't exist, as he could break through and transcend it at any moment.

"Is anyone there? Can someone deal with him? I was eating, and I spat it all over my computer."
"Help! Can anyone relate? I got a cramp from laughing on the subway, and people thought I was having a seizure; they were about to call an ambulance!"
"Are you crazy? Making people laugh in the middle of the night? My face mask just cracked from laughing!"
"My eyes! Xu Xiu, I beg you, can you stop showing off? With you like this, I’m too embarrassed to tell anyone I like you!"
"Wang Chuanjun didn't want to join in before, but now he's in the middle of the pack, isn't he? And he's laughing the hardest!"

Xu Xiu didn't know what the audience was saying, and even if he did, he wouldn't care. He was himself, a different kind of spark!

Thirty years east of the river, thirty years west of the river, do not bully a young man because he is poor—or middle-aged, or old!
He was no longer the penniless boy he once was!
He was the man of the year!